Abr 19

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes

“Happy birthday! May your Facebook wall be filled with messages from people you never talk to.”


“You’re older today than yesterday but younger than tomorrow, happy birthday!”


“Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one. Happy birthday!”


“Cheers on your birthday. One step closer to adult underpants.”


“Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.”


“Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me a lot of myself… from one fabulous chick to another!”


“Don’t get all weird about getting older! Our age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying us!”


“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Happy birthday!”


“You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. Happy birthday!”


“On your birthday, I thought of giving you the cutest gift in the world. But then I realized that is not possible, because you yourself are the cutest gift in the world.”


“Happy birthday to someone who is forever young!”


“It’s birthday time again, and wow! You’re a whole year older now! So clown around and have some fun to make this birthday your best one. Happy birthday!”


“Just wanted to be the first one to wish you happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers. So, happy birthday!”


“Congratulations on being even more experienced. I’m not sure what you learned this year, but every experience transforms us into the people we are today. Happy birthday!”


“When the little kids ask how old you are at your party, you should go ahead and tell them. While they’re distracted trying to count that high, you can steal a bite of their cake! Happy birthday!”

Abr 17

10 Jokes

BROKEN CRUSH PICTURE

What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?

Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.


VALENTINE’S DATE

Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?

Yes, it is February 14th.


VAMPIRE ROMANCE

What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date?

It was love at first bite.


TIDES OF LOVE

What did one boat say to the other?

Are you up for a little row-mance?


TENNIS MATCH

Why should you not marry a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.


LOVE IS BLIND

What’s the difference between love and marriage?

Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.


NEW JACKET

I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present.

I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get?

He said, “A bulletproof one. I’m married.”


WHAT MEN REALLY LOVE

I said, “I love you so much. I could never live without you.”

My girlfriend giggled and asked, “Is that you talking or the beer?”

I said, “It’s me talking to the beer…”


OLIVE WHO?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive, who?

Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.